Fast Food Slow Wine

There is no pairing more sublime than French Fries and Rosé . I CHALLENGE you. Name one! But what about all the other fast food things? Fine dining is well and good but don’t poor decisions deserve fine drinks too? Fast Food Slow Wine will be a recurring foray into how to highbrow/lowbrow mash-up your grease life. In addition to profound pairings, each fast dining establishment will have a fries/whatever-the-potato-thingy-is rating at the end. In this troubled world, fried spuds are a touchstone for the masses and my appetite for fries is nothing if not massive. Oh, and the place that gives me mayo AND ketchup for fries? I cannot wait for you dream child. Two disclaimers: 1. I don’t eat meat but will be getting close proximities and wrapping my carnivorous friends into tasting with me. 2. I got it all delivery—please don’t bring wine into a McDonald’s. Unless you have express permission but—fast food is for irresponsible late-night food delivery anyway so… I had to start with the GOAT: McDonalds. I paired for all three meals plus one dessert. I believe in a well-balanced booze day. Albeit I ate all these things around midnight. I am a vampire (with a garlic-tolerant gene). Let’s go! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ LE MCMENU Petit Déjuener: 1. MCMUFFIN À EGG AND CHEESE, PACKET “MEXICAN STYLE SALSA” HASH BROWNS, DEUX - Bisol 1542 Jeio Valdobbiadene Prosecco Superiore DOCG 2. MCGRIDDLE SANS MEAT, MAPLE SYRUP - Prosecco i Aperol Bubbles are the ticket for eggy-cheesy and fried potato things, as it can cut through the fat. But true Champagne might overwhelm. I decided on a step-up from regular ol’ Prosecco, procuring a Superiore from the recently announced UNESCO World Heritage Site Conegliano-Valdobbiadene. It is plush on the palate with just a hint of bread, bits of peach purée and something that made me think of daisies. Cuts through the Mc-nonsense. But I knew I’d have to switch it up for the McGriddle. That sandwich throws in an element of much-more-sweet that wanted yet sweeter. And finally! I found a place for Aperol. I am an Aperol Spritz naysayer because it is not enough of…any flavor or sweetness or tartness for me. Like LaCroix. Throwing that shade left and right I am. BUT! With the slightly sweet McGriddle I recommend ½-1 oz. Aperol per 3 ounces of that Prosecco you were using for the McMuffin. The sweet-bitter orange of Aperol pairs fantastically with the sweet-savory of a McGriddle. Bonus points if you garnish with an orange rind. Gold star if you flame it. Finally, I cracked the Aperol-denier code. I may have to retire. But first lunch. Déjuener: 1. SOUTHWEST SALAD SANS CHICKEN FRIES MAIS OUI - Feudi Di San Gregorio Falanghina 2017 Southwest salad wanted a richer white, yet saline, with good acid. Enter Falanghina. You don’t know it because hey it ain’t everywhere. But it is full and salty and refreshing. The salt and citrus are cool with the Southwest flavor and the (of course) fry action. Because yah it’s lunch but can you get a meal at McDonald’s without some sort of fried potato? Rhetorical question. Dîner: 1. BIG MAC SANS BURGER LE FRIES: KETCHUP, SWEET AND SOUR, HONEY MUSTARD - Frank Family Vineyards Napa Valley Zinfandel 2016 2. LE FRIES DEUX: RANCH, SPICY BUFFALO - Ecco Domini Special Edition Bobby Berk Pinot Grigio 2018 The reason for fries take deux is that I surmised some people go with burgers and some go with McNuggets (apologies to not tackling fish filet!). And what pairs with McNuggets rides on the sauce. As for the un-burger: in terms of McDonalds I think meat is likely the least important sandwich factor. In my meatless Mac—I tasted that combination of the tiny cloying diced onions and the right balance of ketchup, sauce, and pickles adding zing. And then there is the mildly-sweet bun. The richness of Zinfandel does well with the liminal sweet of it all. So I highly recommend upper-end Zin if Zin is your jam. Also can someone please make me a Zin jam? My toast is lonely. But then! What if you or your NuggetHead companion went with Spicy Buffalo or Ranch? Pinot Grigio is the key. Hear me out. Okay fine the BBQ feels sweet AND spicy but it called for something with some fruit and acid to its name and Ecco Domini has those things. Plus! It pairs well with the ranch because Pinot Grigio has a lees-y lactic character that bridges pleasantly. Le Dessert: 1. VANILLA MILKSHAKE, SOUPÇON WHIPPED CREAM - El Maestro Sierra Pedro Ximenez , pourover Pedro Ximenez is a sherry. Picked when the grapes have a shade of sweet raisin on them and aged in exacting circumstances and there is additional booze added just to elevate the party. And then you go crazy and pour a dollop into your vanilla shake your crazy hedonist you. You’re living right. So that’s it! I had a smidge too much fun researching this and hope you have just as much fun taking my advice—and do write back and tell me how it goes! Now for the truly important things: the Tater Tally and Shower Wine TATER TALLY: Hashbrowns: 20/10 McDonald’s hash browns are life and don’t you forget it. Fries: 18/10 only because they lose tastiness when they cool down faster. SHOWER WINE: Ewww. Do not take your edibles into the bathroom with you. But do take the Prosecco with you. Why not? If you’ve gone so far as pairing wine with fast food might as well enjoy it with the other affordable luxury: a nice hot shower. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Want to read more from Ellen? Check out her recent articles: So You Wanna Be a Wine Nerd: The Blind Taste The Cans of Summer 2019 Old World vs. New World Round Seven: Viognier! Summer Cocktails: Sparkling not Spritzing Up Your Life Old World vs. New World Round Six: Syrah! May Day! May Day! Emergency Drinks in Dire Straits Pink Wine, Pink Wine Everywhere But Is It Vegan? You can also listen to Ellen's podcast with Shaughn Buchholz, The Wine Situation here .