All the Cutwaters, All Lined Up

So. As an introvert-extrovert who needs people but loves to be alone-ish, movie-going has been a THING for me recently—to the point I got one of those monthly subscriptions that, if you are going to see more than one movie every four weeks, more than pays itself off…and once you have the promise of basically free movies, you might choose cinema over bars. And you (me) will be toting an oversized purse into which I have deposited a canned cocktail. Perhaps less chic than a ladylike flask, but definitely more badass than a hard seltzer (not that I have it in for White Claw drinkers, except I do a little) and way more affordable than a movie theatre drink. Although, occasionally, it is fun to show up just in time for the previews, shun them for a martini or so at the theatre bar, and wander in just as Nicole Kidman is making her entrance for the most confusing ad placement of all—like we are ALREADY in the theatre, why are they showing us a theatre ad? I don’t care; I never want it to stop. Whatever your movie beverage is, make it tasty. I recently went on a bit of a Cutwater-at-the-movies spree as part of my reward for working for the LA Spirits Awards. There are boxes of random leftover booze, and Cutwater enters ever so many varieties, sending four boxes of every flavor, so there are loads of leftovers. So, I put it upon myself to rate as many as possible. I know I’m still missing some, but I did my darndest. WELCOME TO YOUR CANS OF SUMMER - CUTWATER EDITION yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Buckle up. ALL-OVER WINNER: WHITE RUSSIAN I know, I KNOW! Even The Dude would approve, or maybe especially him. It tastes exactly how you want. Creamy but not cloying. It is a little coffee-y and sweet but not saccharine, especially if you pour it over ice. Exceptional. A canned cocktail standard bearer. I mean, unless you don’t like coffee or cream, then all hope is lost. THE OG GO-TO: LIME MARGARITA I feel like this will have some people like, “What?” And maybe it's because it is the first Cutwater I ever had, but I feel like it is classic and perfect in the “this is a canned drink, but it’s GOOD” response. Refreshing and a touch sweet and limey. It legitimately was possibly the first Cutwater anyone ever had, and it touched something in our hearts that now they make like 20-something skews. Some may be better, but this is the OG. ON TREND, HALLELUJAH: ESPRESSO MARTINI I’ve been thrilled about the espresso martini comeback and am waiting for Cosmos to have one, too (I may be waiting for a while). Obviously, it would be better from a chilled cocktail glass, but straight out of a can or (as I am wont to have it), over ice in a movie theater’s free water cup, it has all the flavors, though without the pleasing head of froth many show. Or the floating espresso bean garnish. But otherwise it checks all the caffeinated boxes. REST OF THE BEST (AND LESS SO, BUT STARTING WITH THE BEST) Spicy Pineapple Margarita The spice was just right for me, a pleasant warmth on the finish. The pineapple flavor was more akin to canned pineapple rings than fresh, but I didn’t mind it. The main thing missing was the tequila note I’d want out of a margarita. But it’s enjoyable enough if you aren’t worried about that. Tiki Rum Punch It's the most elegant of the Cutwater tikis (there are a few). Pineapple and subtle almond funk dominate. Definitely the freshest of the tikis, more citrusy with a coconut vibe under something a little guava and even a little more molasses. Spicy Bloody Mary It is what it is. A spicy Bloody Mary. I like it on the rocks, obviously. I don’t even normally really like Bloody Mary’s, but I enjoy this one. It drinks like a meal. Tiki Rum Mai Tai I don’t love coconut, and there’s a noticeable coconut note here, but it’s fun all over with a solid tropical vibe and those sugar cane-y rummy notes. The almond essence is fleeting—I wished for more—but the sweetness was in the sweet spot—not too much or too little. Grape Vodka Transfusion It is well-flavored and toes the sweet/not-sweet border well, but (IMHO) it needs to be more grapey? I’d totally down it whenever and wherever, but if I could give them notes, “needs more grape” would be mine. Mango Margarita This would score higher if I liked mangoes. It is flavorful, and the mango sings in a way that almost isn’t mango-y, so I am disqualifying it from ME ranking it. The verdict is that if you like mangoes, you’ll probably enjoy this. Lime Ranch Water It just doesn’t taste too much one way or another. There is the lime. There is the tequila, but it’s dialed down. I imagine that appeals to the LaCroix lovers who like beverages that whisper their flavors in the next room. If that’s you, you’ll love this. If not, it isn’t objectable, just not craveable. Whiskey Mule It is good—actually quite good! It tastes like what it is, which is encouraging. I was looking for a touch more ginger, but I would not be sad to crack a cold can (or to put a not-cold one on ice). Tiki Rum Hurricane Fruit candy (yet a dial-down from Jolly Rancher) speaks up: pineapple, peach, and lemon drop, but a drive of those flavors on the palate. This was not too sweet, but sweet enough. Rum Mojito I don’t really taste the rum. I mainly taste mint. It’s sort of Colgate-y. It's not their finest work. It shockingly received really good reviews in a well-respected contest, so I retried it at a later date and still was underwhelmed and found the mint out of joint. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Want to read more from Ellen? Check out her recent articles: BIANCO: An Italian Love Story Ode to Txakoli Bolt These for Beltane Lifting: a Rosé Story A Brief Tour of Armenia in Four Wines Cup of Salvation + Your New Favorite Wines Oscar Libations Ellen in Lalaland: Thai Town You can also listen to Ellen's podcast, The Wine Situation here . Check out her recent transcripts of the Final Five questions: Wine Situation Final Five! Yannick Benjamin Wine Situation Final Five! Jenna Duran